i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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