People in love make me want to vomit
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
