Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
