She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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