my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm passing your future prison.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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