well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
