I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
