This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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