tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
