Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sarcasm needs its own font
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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