we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
