Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
