She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Randomize
