One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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