Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im part way to drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
