My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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