Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
