We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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