butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
