im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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