It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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