Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
