guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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