so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
