16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
