I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
