Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
