Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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