i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
