omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
