i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
