I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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