Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
