Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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