Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
