OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
