other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
