so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
