no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
