oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
