is your mom at the bar?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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