it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
