And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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