I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am available for nakedness
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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