I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
