ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
