I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
