listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
