I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
