I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
