he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
