I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
