there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
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