ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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