its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
