Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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