I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There r osticjed everywhere
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
