Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
