Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
