Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
