His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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