Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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