Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
