I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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