I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
