hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
