Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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