So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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