Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
