I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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