after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
