I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What drink are we having for lunch?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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