when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
